Date: May 21, 1993
Age: 16
Hi! I just spoke to you on the phone. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Love,
Your Daddy
I received this postcard half a lifetime ago. The following month, my niece was born--the first grandchild to enter our family. After sixteen years, I was no longer the youngest one in our clan.
I remember holding my niece at the hospital, thinking to myself, "when she's my age, I'll be 32." Well, here we are, 32 years old. I'm not sure if I found that age to be frighteningly old or not. I was never one to create 5-year or 10-year plans, so therefore never considered my 30s, or even my 20s, and I could probably think of many reasons as to how that's helped my development as much as hindered it.
My brother was 27 when his daughter was born, which I thought was a perfectly appropriate age for being an adult and becoming a father. Now when I think of it, that age seems so young for having a child, even though it's not. I guess it's because I'm a part of Generation X, which has embraced delayed adolescence like no other.
My brothers' mom was at the hospital, and when my parents and I left, I told my mom how pretty I thought B and C's mom had looked. I didn't get to see her that often, but I had always thought she was a beautiful woman. My mother reacted badly to my observation--I can't remember exactly what happened, but she looked cross, or snapped at me...I don't know, but something happened. It took me by surprise--obviously their relationship throughout the years had probably been a tense one--how should the wives of one man relate to each other? Had nasty words ever been exchanged between them? Anyway, by this point, I had thought any bad blood had been part of the past, but my mother was still irritated.
I'm sure it was insensitive of me to say anything--though if I expressed my admiration for B and C's mom to her today, she'd probably agree and have no trouble with it. I guess when I made my opinion known, it was the calm before the storm in my parents' marriage, and my mother wasn't feeling too good about herself. I'm sure she'd feel foolish now if I told her how she'd reacted. (Or she'd tell me I had remembered it wrong.) Today, I'll bet she and B and C's mother have a certain camaraderie--they've both lived through this: a marriage to my dad gone sour, creating upheaval in their lives, forcing them to question so much of what had been important to them.
I believe now they are both very happy women, aging gracefully.
I remember holding my niece at the hospital, thinking to myself, "when she's my age, I'll be 32." Well, here we are, 32 years old. I'm not sure if I found that age to be frighteningly old or not. I was never one to create 5-year or 10-year plans, so therefore never considered my 30s, or even my 20s, and I could probably think of many reasons as to how that's helped my development as much as hindered it.
My brother was 27 when his daughter was born, which I thought was a perfectly appropriate age for being an adult and becoming a father. Now when I think of it, that age seems so young for having a child, even though it's not. I guess it's because I'm a part of Generation X, which has embraced delayed adolescence like no other.
My brothers' mom was at the hospital, and when my parents and I left, I told my mom how pretty I thought B and C's mom had looked. I didn't get to see her that often, but I had always thought she was a beautiful woman. My mother reacted badly to my observation--I can't remember exactly what happened, but she looked cross, or snapped at me...I don't know, but something happened. It took me by surprise--obviously their relationship throughout the years had probably been a tense one--how should the wives of one man relate to each other? Had nasty words ever been exchanged between them? Anyway, by this point, I had thought any bad blood had been part of the past, but my mother was still irritated.
I'm sure it was insensitive of me to say anything--though if I expressed my admiration for B and C's mom to her today, she'd probably agree and have no trouble with it. I guess when I made my opinion known, it was the calm before the storm in my parents' marriage, and my mother wasn't feeling too good about herself. I'm sure she'd feel foolish now if I told her how she'd reacted. (Or she'd tell me I had remembered it wrong.) Today, I'll bet she and B and C's mother have a certain camaraderie--they've both lived through this: a marriage to my dad gone sour, creating upheaval in their lives, forcing them to question so much of what had been important to them.
I believe now they are both very happy women, aging gracefully.
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2 comments:
Odd how that's possible for relationships to smooth over time.
You're right about age and kids. My wife and I figure we'll be better parents two years from now than we could be right now. We also assume we'll always be able to say this, no matter how old we are. So we can never really justify having kids.
I think it is very interesting to figure out how old you'll be in a certain number of years, and how old a friend's child or really young sibling will be. My ex gf's sister was 5 when we were together. I'm 12 years older than she is. I figured that when my ex and I are 30, she'll be 18. I think the crazy thing is that no matter how old we get, we're always going to be that much older than those people, they'll never catch up. That idea was always staggering.
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